R19 I'm sorry. I really did not mean to be in any way racist. I'm a white guy who grew up in white suburbs and I discovered a loooooooooong time ago that the only real way to become less naive is to admit my ignorance and ask questions that may be taboo so that I can recalibrate my compass and also discuss the basis of naivety and ignorance along the way.
One of my best friends was from another country, one about which I knew absolutely nothing and which she seemed to think white Americans have negative stereotypes. And we bonded immediately when we began to ask one another questions that we wouldn't be comfortable asking most other people, and to answer one another's questions in good faith, knowing that we were just aiming for common understanding and never trying to offend anyone. I learned SO MUCH from her, and then from that point on, I've lived my life this way.
When I moved into the city and became good friends with some black colleagues, we first found that we got along, and then we trusted one another, and then we started asking more and more provocative things, and we agreed to just set embarrassment aside and understand that we're all just trying to understand.
One of my black coworkers, who really became one of my best friends immediately because our personalities just mesh perfectly, told me after several months that she had never in her entire life had a real personal conversation with a single white person. I didn't believe it. We live in a diverse city, but white people are still the majority, and she's been here all her life. She said white people and black people talk to one another about work but that's it, and I never noticed that, but it really was true in my office. (How did I not notice that?) And then we just opened the flood gates.
She was sometimes shocked by foods I would get at lunch and eventually told me she has always wondered what "what people food" is. (Again, I couldn't believe this at first, but she was serious.) I told her that my mother's family immigrated here from Ireland and my grandmother always cooked basically boiled or roasted meat and boiled potatoes and gray boiled vegetables with almost no seasoning, and my mom learned to cook from her but eventually discovered flavor and adjusted accordingly, and that my father is from N.C. and grew up eating collard greens with ham hocks, red-eye gravy, fried chicken, crabs, lots of fried fish, etc., and she was SHOCKED that he eats "black people food."
So, you know, we all carry a lot of stereotypes that are absolutely mortifying to admit, and usually the perceived differences are a lot greater than real differences, but we have to break down the misunderstanding one awkward conversation at a time. That's my perspective, anyway. I do understand that different people have different sensitivities and can be very offended by different ignorant comments and questions. I am sorry that my questions have offended you. (I really am.) I'm only aiming to understand things I don't understand.
